Reset Button

wow its been a minute since ive blogged....been somethings in life happening thats been out of my control and some that i could but all i can say is that im blessed to still be alive and money in my pocket....since the end of the summer i been just workin and getting rdy for skool in januaray ..im not all that happy with my job but hell its a job so its all good might be at UPS in november but hey till then im paper chasin cuz i got goals and plans...but anyways on another note i got anotha edition in my life...or in other words a girlfriend....had to realize that in order to move away frm ur past u gotta let old things go and not let them go just cuz u tryna be mean or evil but just for whats right for you.....alot of the women i let go of in my life im glad there gone espcially two of them cuz one was always running game on a nigga and the other was just popping in and out my life so much that it was just best if she just stayed out..plus the distance was ridiculous......but one person who will always remain close to my heart is mothernature.....yea ive moved on with someone else but my love for her will never die but i just kno rite now that she just currently not fitting my puzzle with all thats going on.....i can honestly say she has kept it the realist with me no matter what....shes never lied..cheated nor played my face,,,so i got alot of respect for her......and i kno she will find someone whos just perfect for her....but not to create some sad depressing blog...im happy with my life i aint felt this way in a while,,,...and im lookin foward to how i will look by nxt year..its like this transiton into manhood has been rough but i lov how its goin cuz its bringing along some real good ppl and things...ive also became alot more independent...like im at a point where im not the emotional ass nigga who always felt like he needed someone or a girl i got my own self...fuck anybody else lol.....another thing thats makin me feel good is my nigga ktr still on his shit good to hear my nigga went to the beach and repped hard for us.....and his project should be droppin sometime nxt month....but i can honestly say i wake up with a smile everymorning....and a great feeling at night this is truely a step towards the carmen i been striving to be...the carmen who stands on his own two feet and makes any of my own dreams and goals into reality......as usual my taste in women are the same....my girl is a freshman at A&T...goal oriented....belief in god.......has my best interest....and takes HELLA good care of me....i mean i aint always been honest abe or mr perfect but i think shes beginning to bring out the best in the kid...she actaully makes me wanna do rite.....i use to regret my past like wit females and and some of the ones i dealt wit but i actually appreciate those expreiences cuz they have shaped me into the man iam now....my advice for those i left in the past i hope ya life and all is well..and keep ya head up and i wish yall much success..cuz imma get mine no matter what...thats why i titled this blog reset button cuz i feel i had to hit a reset button to get back to the carmen i know..to help upgrade myself as a person....so i consider myself a better carmen...thats more focused and driven to do whatever i want and desire to do......i got my whole life ahead of me and im excited.....by the way whip cominm real sooonnnnnnnnnn lol till my nxt blog which mayb after work im out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grown up

bling bling burrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!! lol its been hella long since ive blogged and much has changed in the kidd life but for the best.....and my summer has been crzy but its all good.....im feelin ontop of the world right now becuz i feel my life is going in the direction it needs to.......ive cut my circle of friends to a minimum and im cool with everyone in that circle cuz i can trust them..and of course that nigga K still my main nigga no homo even though we been doin different shit but no matter what thats a nigga ace...ive made sum tuff choices lately but they were for the betterment of me.....why the fuck shuld ppl have there cake and eat it to...for years i let females control a nigga emotions ..thoughts ....and decisions and i just grew and angry and tired of it .....i mean i guess lately ive been lashing out and hurting feelngs but its only a counter to how bitches have done me....sum may take it as cold heartness but really its just me makin myself numba 1......i treat others how they treat me and i only put in a relationsjip or friendship as much as the other person does.....you can say im feeelin myself or growin up but either way im just doin wats best for me...cuz in the end dats all i have is me.....im tired of ppl sayin one thing to me and doing another.....my anger towards females i will admit has got outta control...but its just ive held it in for so long....and ive always been the nice guy...and nowadays i have a short fuse for bullshit and i cut niggas off quick .....wen u step to me step to me correct and real and not on bullshit.....my mother always told me not to trust her and damnit i shulda listened.....a cut throat additude is wats gonna help me in this pool of snakes especially when you only got ppl hitting you up when they need shit......then when you help them they are never appreciative..wtf???......i felt a way last nite that i havent felt in a long time...and mostly cuz it was with the closest ppl in my life at this point.....i just found out i culd walk into nccu sumtime in january so cum skool time my nose will b buried in the books and i got like 3 weeks till i get my license.....so shit bought to get real nice for dakidd....i apologize if ive hurt feelins lately but at this point its all about me....and what i wanna do.....ive done to much settling and now imma lift my standards...so some of you ppl might wanna do the same.....

One Man Against The World

now that graduation is all ovr i can get back to my blogging...its been a crazy lil grad week and weekend...but now that its ovr im just chillen out and getting my hands glued to alot of this money out here...im also gone be back in the studio this week wit my nigga K...so the rest of this summer shuld go pretty smooth...i got mad love from my fam and friends at my graduation and my cookout....and im guessin that this is now my oppurtunity to actually "SayWhats Real" and i mean that in regrads to what my life is like at this point....which is pretty good i mean it culd b worse but im bein blessed by the man upstairs with the things i do have....i mean i didnt ask for my life to be how it is these where just the cards i been dealt..i also didnt ask god to make me how iam but i can honestly say that i love who iam...god made me to b unique....and to go along with it i have a unique name that i hate to go with it but i accept it...we all humans in this world which means were all gonna make mistakes and fall short..but what matters most is what you do to learn from those mistakes....sometimes we are given situations to help test us to seee if we will break....and if you see it thru then u will b strong as ever...im goin thru somethin as im writing this blog...and at first i was just laying around feeling down about shit and having a rollercoaster emotions and moods but then i had to just let go and let god and live my life..cuz life doesnt pause for no one....one random night when i culdnt sleep i sat down and wrote an equation out for my life and everything that has been happening now makes complete sense and i realized that i done told a certain someone that this was the end but in actually its not..but in time that situation will re unfold itself..until then im takin the oppurtunity ive been givin to help better the kidd as an all around person so that way when i get everything on track i can honestly thank them for helping me become the better man i need to be....now that ive realized their true reason and purpose for being in my life no matter who they r with or what they choose their will always be a special place for them in my heart...it feels good to wake up in the morning with a braceless smile and the ambition to see what imma achieve within a day..ive learned to live everyday to the fullest cuz it may be your last....well imma bing this blog to a close becuz one of my favorite moviiess is coming on which is love and basketball and i like the fact that i can sit and recite every line to it lol .....after the movie then its off to the studio...but until then you ppl can follow me on twitter>>>>>> http://twitter.com/DaKiddOneDa

Fresh Start

ayeeee wats good its been like maybe 2 weeks since my last blog....i took a break cuz i realized everytime i got an issue i blog aout it...and somethings that i been goin thru lately just didnt need to be blogged about....but in reality i just needed to face the music of my situation and finally close doors that shoulda been closed......i feel alot better now that ive realized how shit shuld be......my situation seemed like a bad infection that was starting to spread over me but i had this one part that i needed to cut off to save what dignity and good nature i have left and i feel hella better that ts gone its sad mad ppl had to show me signs and tell me over and over what i shulda done..but its like you have to get a spoon full of reality or expreince somethin tough to see what you need to do to bring change to your situation...as of now i like where i stand and i just plan to sit back and get this money (the right way) and work on rebuilding a friendship that means the world to me....i know that shit sounded soft as hell.....but she mean alot to me whether i wanna admit it or not.....its like god puts ppl in ya life for a reason and they can either be there to test you or help make you stronger....i appreciate the person who has made me stronger and i appreciate the person who has tested me cuz theyve made me stronger to......all i can wish for the person who has tested me is that i hope and wish u find yaself in life and that one day you truely settle down and make somebody happpy and stop bein so afraid to fall..just give sum lucky nigga a chance....for rite now da kidd is single and not really lookin for any relationship just yet cuz in a sense i still have an unfinished one so imma stay true to myself and do what i need to do....on anotha note my moms flys in today and damnit im super excited lol.....i aint seen my mom since last july....and im rdy to b a mommas boy for a week lol...i love my moms....and last but not least i graduate in two days....this is somethin i been waiting for all my life for 12 years and its here..its time to take that step into life and manhood and i dont fear it....im rdy for it..im prepared ...this summer is gonna be om point and i plan to enjoy in a smart and safe way..cuz life is to short but imma live it to the fullest.....my nigga ktr got sum fresh tracks rollin out and i say the same for myself.....but the grind is def goin hard...lol be on the lookout for sum new stuff this summer....but i got grad rehearsal and then the pool to go hit up so till my nxt blog which will prolly be on graduation im out CLASS OF 09 WE OUT THIS BISHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! LOL

I actually had a goodnites rest..and today is gonna be a day of positivity....I got much to accomplish and a lot feel good about....

~>Sooner Than Later<~

Well Damn {Gucci LOL}

these past couple days have been crazy....but its good that throughout it all im keepin a smile...alot has changed and there's been some enlightment on somethings and rite now im feeling good becuz im learning the true power of a friendship...sometimes in order to get what you want you got to either go back to where you started or just be friends till your ready to b somethin.....on anotha note had my first graduation practice and damn it was a wreck lol....talk about muthafuckas ovr excited lol.....uncordinated and hype.....i will just be glad when its all said and done and ovr with...im hoping for a good weekend..me and my pops will just be at the crib this weekend......well really just me becuz my dad will be at work most of the time so yea im lookin foward to just kickin it this weekend enjoy time to myself and peace and quiet finally......my goal is to remain stress free....and positive......ive noticed dat when im stressed and negative that im not myself and i dont think properly.....so imma keep a cool head at all times and live life.....newest piece of news is that the damn swine flu is officially in durham and two niggas have alrdy caught it wtf is the world coming to????.....my advice is dont shake anybodys hand and that we all start walkin around with towels or cloths over our mouth like the asians did when SARS broke out lol jk...but foreal lets all be safe and healthy.....i didnt wanna make this blog to long.......so imma keep it short and simple....ps..{11 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}

Real Shit!!!!!

after a wild day and last nite rollercoaster ride of emotions.....i came home and took a long look in the mirror....and had to realize who the fuck iam...and what was i doing allowing myself to walk around here looking like a slug on log...lookin as if i was depressed lol wtf was i thinking like im CARMEN LAMAR JONES!!!!!!!!!!!!! and imma live my life how i want to......at times like is gonna hit u with curve balls to knock you down but you get rite back up and thats just wat imma do...has my expreince made me a bit selfish? yea in a sense it has...basically i feel ive got just a sample of what the cold world can cook up...and true i got sick off that shit....but imma throw it up and get rid of it and work on keeping it moving.....rite now imma finish getting ready for graduation and be proud that ive made it...this weekend looks like imma take a road trip with da fellas down to greensboro saturday since imma be the only one home this saturday and i prolly wont have anybody come by so imma just take sometime outta durham to kick it with my niggas...even though my situation has changed me a bit...i cant lie i still love her and if i culd do it again i would but i guess i gotta live with the choice she's made......i dont force anybody to do anything they dont want to.....and all i can do is be me.....its good ive found some motivation to write more cuz this shit is def gone bring sum poems and songs and what not so its all good......its amazing how everything can happen so fast..and thats why whenever i have alot goin on..i take time to sit down and think about everything thru so that way wen it comes to make a decision or choice i have less regrets like to avoid thinking the whole should i have did that or not when i make a choice im usually sure of myself and i can live with that choice...cuz ive seen what making choices while im mad or upset has cost me..so i take my time but other than that imma just tak life one day at a time and stay on this paper chase....until my next blog im out...CONGRATULATIONS CLASS OF 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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To Close Can't Stop Praying Now
Though There Seems Theres No one To This Pain
Everytime I Close My Eyes I Pray For Rain
I Pray For Rain To Wash Away The Pain......

the lyrics to that song are extremely true....and i can relate to every word.......as we all know pain and hard times is apart of life ive accepted that.....it just seems really hard at times.....i went to bed last nite feeling a little better having a positive outlook that everything will be just fine and i feel it will but in a sense whem i woke up i felt like shit....like i got up looked over at my phone at missed txt messages or calls and in a sense i was kinda lookin foward to a "goodmorning" txt and i didnt see it...now not sayin that i have to get that txt before i call or txt...but these past couple days its been really different......i havent been called nor txt..yesterday i made a call and expressed myself and left it alone.....to give time for thought.....but i didnt expect to not get calls or txt anymore at the sametime and as bad as i wanna call and express whats on my mind or how i currently i feel i question it cuz mayb i given them to much.....i dont want it to seem like im being a nag....so i kinda just let them be a tad bit but at the sametime it really hurts more not hearing from them.....i never had a situation where o i was just calling u back cuz u called me.....it was always i was callin cuz i wanted to talk to you.....lastnite really seemed good cuz i was feeling fine but i dont understand why i feel like shit this morning....like im really at an all time low...and i will be honest that iam wondering how long will it be before i recieve a call....like im not exactly the type to wait by the phone but each time my phone rings im not gonna lie....i do hope that its from that somebody.......at times it almost seems like the fate of all of this has been decided and that maybe im just in denial about it.....but i hope thats not the case....and if it is..than im just rdy to recieve my closure......cuz life just doesnt seem any easier until my question mark is removed..and ive said all i can say..and nearly done all i can do......

Memories & The Coolest Grandma Ever

i just had a great convo with my grandma..and i swear my grandma is the best....the only grandma that i know that religiously keeps up with sports....hate to say it but my 80 year old grandma has a swag like no other.....just goin back and forth about old memories and swaoing stories back and forth about times so old such as when i was in pampers.....times like when i would take my diaper off and rub my mess across the wall lol (personal thought lol what was i thinking?)......my grandma remebers times like when i was three how she would get up and cum to my bed side every mornin and ask me what i wanted for breakfast and i wuld mumble or point it out....and she wuld fix it and i wuld b knocked rite back out so i wuld end up eating i for lunch....just reviewing back then how i was such a badass...and how ive grown so much into this well mannered ..handsome smart yung man shocks me cuz i nvr thought in a million years that i wuld turn out decent...but i do still have more growing to do...not only have i grown but its just great to see all my other cousins who r all close n age who have been like the brothers ive nvr had..just growin up with them and remebering how we used to run and rip the streets of philly....doin watever we found fun to do......its just really great thinking about it all...ive also discovered that my love and passion for music has branched off frm my grandma also.....my grandma says that shes loved music ever sice she was small and that she probably listens to it just as much as i do...and i listen to it damn there 24/7 lol...she even still teases me about how i use to demand the family to call me lamar instead of carmen cuz i hated my name cuz i used to get tease at skool for it...but ive grown to embrace and like my name becuz itz one of a kind and unique plus i know mad girls how like it lol so its all good...... but when it all cums down to it i love my family and i dont think i wuld b me without them......other than that tonite imma just zone out to sum classic music...sum grownup type stuff and take care of somethings i need to take care of somethings i need to take care of.......my storm is slowly but surely passing over...GO CAVS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Freak Incident

i think this has been one of my most rockiest testing weeks of my faith that i ever had....this week i have had times that ive lost my cool..and hell i did have a reason to but at the same time i didnt consider other ppl around me.....i think last nite was my biggest incident of losin my cool i was alrdy mad about immature ppl still causin me problems..and then ontop of that i hear somethings that in a sense i didnt take the time to listen to and understand even though i will honestly say...it kinda seems like bullshit...and that i feel i was completely railroaded but i mean hey im not in control of anyones life....but i def coulda reacted better....i think out of all the relationships ive ever had i think this is the one that has bothered me the most becuz ive invested so much time love and emotion in it.....for it to all go down the drain..i understand my other half doesnt want it to go down the drain either....but i gotta do a better job of listening and understanding instead of spazzing out...and doin a little assuming....what i have now means alot to me ..and if i havent realized dat early on than..i damn sure have realized it now.....i think weve just hit our biggest issue that is testing both our relationship and faith....cuz its not really anything were doing to one another its more just outside things that are ripping us apart..and i refuse to let the outside world do that.....i woke up to a 6am call from my mother because when i came home last nite i broke down to my pops and he really didnt kno how to talk to me about it and he was concerned so he called my moms.....and told her what was goin on.....and she called me 6am my time which is 3am her time in cali..and we had a long convo of whats going on...she explained the situation frm my shoes and explained the situation frm my girls shoes.....and its not like what were goin thru cant b worked out or overcame....but its gonna take a huge dosage of trust a cool head and sum time......which i now truely understand.....and at the same time i dont need to be walkin around wih my heart on my sleve cuz its gonna b all good.....i trust and believe that cuz weve invested to much to let this all go down the drain..but if i dont take the advice of my moms and remain cool ive understood that i culd push my other half away and then i wuld b the true reason for the death of my relationship.....im glad god has blessed me with a reasonable head on my shoulders to be able to cool down and get back to myself when i need to.....but at the same time when sunthing is dear to the kidd my emotions go rapid..but imma do a way better job of gettin it together...other than that im about lets say 2 weeks frm graduation and im excited for it...and i got these finals to work on and im excited for all my fam coming to my graduation and helpng me celebrate it afterwards so i got alot to smile about and look foward to....life is gonna b just fine........and imma just get things together and me and her are gonna work thru this together becuz we cant do it alone

*Emotions Will Never Die*

The battle is not yet over when in reality its really just begun, even though im down and out now in the end i will be the one to stand in victory when the battle is won...my emotions for you grew directly when i met you...damn who woulda knew that it would have to come to my heart getting pricked for me to realize that you were growing tired of bullshit.....as i write and i write and i write....my true feelings that might have been in the dark is now coming to the light...me and you both know the difference between whats right and whats wrong......like one of your favorite songs are titled "Us Against The World" I refuse to back down from the fight....while things get rough my endurance and determination becomes tough...and at the same time i realize that all i do is never enuff...As i lay wounded on this battle field bleeding passion and emotion Ive chose that no matter how hard it is to stay above water and swim i will overcome this unbearable ocean...and i feel if we both agree and pledge to take a paddle than our boat will continue floatin

Rough Patches

u kno i always wonder is there ever a way to right your wrongs even after u apologize or even if u leave the situation alone and u just move on..but its like no matter what u do to correct what youve done its like the world continues to see u as dis bad person or monster.....at times it seems like ppl want me to kiss they ass whenever i fall short or if im suppose to catch everything that cums to me in disquise im a human being just like everybody else in this world....the shit that we go thru and that happens to us was meant to becuz our expreinces are considered lessons for life...if we went thru life without problems than we wuld take everything for granted.....numba one thing that will always give you tough times is a relationship.....relationships are nvr easy especially when love is involved...love can make u or break u.....it can also b the greatest thing to ever occur to a human being or anyone who can feel it..lately my situation has been super rocky ..ive been the cause of it bein rocky and then partially i havent been been when ur in a relationship if both partners wanna make it work than both must have that same amount of care and desire to it cant b a o well i careless now becuz of all past situations ....its def gonna continue to b hard if u continung to press on the negative becuz u wont let it go u dont have to forget but tdont hold it against someone becuz if u do den those past issues or problems will be all u see in that person which in a sense is wrong.....if u see ur otherhalf workin to make shit work then u shuld do da same but if ur not than u wuld b better off admitting that u wanna go..but if u truely love that other person than u wuld work with them.....arguing isnt always the best thing to do but at times its a way to vent emotions to help ur other half understand wen they kinda confused or lost.....thats like a relationship will crash if two ppl arent holding on to steer it...and one person cant steer i alone cuz love is like a tonka truck...its too big and too much for one person to handle so thats y we share feelings and emotions which create love.......if a person was to ask me today..was i honestly in love with my better half i wuld say yea iam without a shadow of a doubt true i fucked up and made sum dumb choices but atleast ive realized my shortcummings and that im willing to better myself so i can stop doing the wrong things ive been doing.....i remeber hearing this saying that relationships are like broken glass that its not worth picking up becuz u can risk hurting urself..but in the case of this relationship...its worth all the cuts,bruises, and bleeding.........cuz this love is worth it.....im not perfect but i feel i can be the best that i can be to my other half...from learning frm my past and havin a desire to do better.....im hard to understand at times but u gotta take my good qualities along with my bad......and i feel that if i really sit down and make a list of the bad things about me and the good things about me..i culd guarentee my good will outweigh my bad....cuz along with the bad ive done in the aftermath ive always had a good heart and been apologetic.....well im bout at the end of my blog and i got sum music to go review that i just got so imma bump it and call it a nite ....----->im out till my next blog

Definition Of A Hoe* - Exposing Realshit and Not Bullshit (SlutBag P Edition)

Everybody has their own definition of what a hoe is......some say a girl is a hoe if she sleeps with fiffty million niggas or suck every nigga dick that comes in her direction..ut in reality my definition of a hoe is a girl who has no fuckin values or morals and just settles for anything....over the past couple months ive witnessed true evidence as an example of a girl who carries the traits of a hoe....this broad carries herself with her head so low its pitiful..the fact that you have such low self esteem for yourself to the point that you just settle for anything or any nigga is not how a chick should be....ANYTIME YOU HAVE SLEPT WITH 21+ NIGGAS BEFORE THE AGE OF 18 is a complete disgrace..and you wonder why you never will find happiness becuzyou open ya legs to anybody.....then wanna claim "celibate" get the fuck outta here!!!!!! you cant be fuckin fiffty million niggas one day then the next day you wanna start bein celibate cuz u think dat maybe that will stop you from etting hurt..no the way you stop gettin hurt is learning to value yaself and have more respect for yaself and keep ya fuckin legs closed I wuld be suprised if the broad got any walls left cuz her pussy been a damn revolving opeing and closing door....now you have a true reason to hate me and start some shit...grow the fuck up and go get a papsmear............

Accusations &Positve Mindstate

its been a grip since the last time i put up a blog...truth is da kidd been mad busy with school and putting more money in my pocket.....plus i had to rebuild the hardrive of my laptop cuz i had hundreds of viruses and trojans and what not..but it was a good learning process...but anyways were down to the last 20 somethin days till graduation..and im ready.....i been waitin for this moment and its almost here finally.....if i had to change anything about highschool or do it ovr again i wulda took my time with skool more and took it more seriously....i did so much bullshitting it aint funny but aye dats da past we movin towards the future..in my future i see myself touchin alot of paper and oppurtunities and imma b on em like a pittbull...as of this summer im on my grind wit makin money skool and music...and plus i just found out im goin to africa for two weeks in july so da summa sounded real sexy rite now lol....on anotha note glad my lil shawty got a job..she a workin chick now...which is good cuz she makes herslef more independent which i dont have a problem with...so its gucci..anyways im sure many of you heard about the false accusations applied against our beloved former teacher named mr.greenstreet frm hillside...and i think honestly he situation is all bullshit..ole girl got three damn different stories goin round skool....and weve dealt with many situations like this before with her..ive always been tight and close with the girl but as of bout now imma be skeptical till i find all dis shit out...i just really feel for her if she turns out to be a liar.....but only time and investigating will tell.....so until then the WE WANT GREENSTREET MOVEMENT WILL CONTINUE!!!!!!!!!anyways im getting a tad bit tired so imma call it a nite...till my next blog im out---

Im On It

been mad busy lately with gettin stuff together with school...settin stuff up with cvs and doin more writing....but i mean life is good im stress free and reallly culd care less bout anybody else problems but my own.....cuz in the end if theres no one else around all i got is myself....but other than dat spring has sucked as usual....i mean true it was good to handle needed biz and to relax but i kinda wished i wulda went sumwhere but its cool and i atleast saw my girl wen she got back frm vacation so i cant complain...prom was cool i enjoyed myself and i appreciate those who looked out for me but now its time to get on the grind and prepare for another one in may...but on anotha note i kno sumtimes my girl think she dont have my full attention or full interest but in reality u do..i mean im not perect and i have fallen short at times....and apologize for anything i mite have put u thru but its gonna be rough times n relationships especially if feelins and emotions are involved..and frm dis day foward i plan to do a hella better job as a boyfriend..cuz there r alot of things i can do better at and alot of things i need to stop doin..dat drive u up the wall..i appreciate u standin by a nigga side no matter wat...cuz i havent had to many girls in my life who have done that..thats wat makes me love ya cuz u hold me down regardless....btween u and ktr yall give me the most support more than anybody on this earth and no homo ktr but i love both yall for dat.....im not da greatest person at times to put up with but yall do it so thanks.....it looks like nccu will b my college in the fall so im happy bout that cuz imma still b close to my nigga and close to my girl....and my writing been coming along good.....i mean theres still alot of room for growth but i think wit all da knowlegde ive gathered ovr he years frm dealin with music and the rite ppl and influences i think im doin really good then most guys nowadays...my shit dont sound stupid..its like im tryna build a comercial sound with lyrics also which alot of artist dont have cuz they r either too damn commercial or too damn lyrical.....but i got my nigga critiqing my stuff so i shuld b good...but im bout to go spend a lil time wit my pregnant ass sis and wash her car and den hopefully chill wit my girl..til my nxt blog im out..by the way go check out them new tracks by nigga ktr and sean on facebook....and also check out that new wiz khalifa mixtape called flight school ..nice shit!!!!!!!

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so just when everything seems like its gonna be great shit gets rough......so just recently i decided that im gonna go to my senior prom.....random rite? but i mean hell my date offered to pay for somethings so i mean im not gonna pass it up plus i wanted to go bein that it is my senior prom..and i ive never been to prom since ive been in highschool..so prettty much everything is set to go except my tux...ticket money to eat and everything is basically covered.....so i mention to my pop ayo look i got all bases basically covered except my tux i kno wat i want imma need ya help getting it...he says ok cool let me just check on ya grades i say ok cool....he checks them....we discover im slippin in my latin..but it aint nothin dat i cant bring up so basically he says im not gonna pay it or put out the money which pisses me off like its not that m dad doesnt wanna do it..its just my dad has never really gave me any money for anything yes he keeps a roof over my head...but anything outside of that he doesnt do and i wuld atleast think he wuld put somethin towards my senior prom especailly wen hes not even bein asked of much..and its like all my life true i may not have always managed good grades but i feel i was atleats dcent shit skool aint for everybody but i make da best of wat i choose to do.....and its like i feel my pops has always took advantage of wen i didnt do well in skool like since i wasnt bringing home great grades then i dont have to buy him shit for xmas or bday and thats the additude i feel he has always had....i cant remeber that last time my pop bought me somethin for xmas or bday..it doesnt matter much or bother me now dat im older but it sucks not fully getting the support i shuld at home and my ma aint currently sendin me shit now cuz shes not workin cuz shes fighting depression....so its up to me to grind shit out....i kno its niggas in worse situations but damn i feel that no youth should go with out..but due to sum parents that sum of us have been born to we gotta deal with itand keep our heads up especially since were suppose to be the fuckin future...but yet no one really invests in us like they shuld its amazin how otha ppl whose not even my parent are doin stuff for me and i appreciate it i swear i do..but it makes me think like damn sometimes im better off raising myself..but at this point i plan to just take it a day at a time and just cruise to june 11 and i plan to make it to prom regardless especially bein dat my ticket has been paid for ..but its just senseless how much help i lack from my pops at home....i swear soon as shit fall thru with college im outta here...so imma just keep my head up and do wateva i gotta do to keep a dollar runnin thru my hands and into my pockets cuz i refuse to go with out.....>>deuces<<

Image&Change

wow so i think its been like almost a fucking month since ive did a blog....shit where do i start .....uhhh well i told myself i will try to shorten my long ass blogs......but ummmmm everything is pretty much the same....skool is cool...i find out whether or not i get accepted to shaw this week and wherever i go will b paid for....shit pretty much gucci between me and my girl....but im da newest thing in my life is that today i cut my locks off...i mean i didnt have them long ...but i had dem for a reasonable time period......i cut them becuz i felt it was cutting into the image that basically personifies me as a person...like i feel i wanted them for the wrong reason....and locks can b a religious type thing depending on who u r and wat u represent......and its funny cuz a person of wisdom shared somethin with me dat made alot of sense....and she asked me y i wanted them and i told her..and she said she had asked becuz she said many ppl had told her stories about theirs and one major one was dat she said sumone once told her that locks can represent things u go thru like tough times or hard times u endure and that when you cut them off its like a new start of ur life now im not sayin this is the beginning of a new life or anything cuz i dont need dat much of a dramatic change but i notice ive went thru more shit ever since ive had them than any other time of my life..not sayin dat cutting them off is gonna solve any problems i may have but i feel better as a person,,i feel myself again.....and in todays world at times ppl can judge a book frm its cover and i feel mayb wen i had them maybe they kinda squandered sum oppurtunities i culdve had ....so i felt that it was time to touch up on my image..dont get me wrong i have my own morals and values..but on this case i felt it was somethin i needed to do....for the betterment of me...on another not my nigga ktr been sick as hell wit pnemonia ..so i hope my nigga get well so he can get bak n skool and get bak on his grind wit dis rap shit....and me on the other hand...i been writing daily as usual and im workin on putting together a song real soon....but other than that im takin life a day at a time and always lookin for another way to make a dollar.......well till my nxt blog im out!!!!!

Thinking Before Making Actions and The Past

i kno i just made a blog last night and i kno ppl who read my blogs be like damn their always about relationships or life issues and to answer that statement thats wat i feel a blog is for to have the opportunity to express anyway u may feel at Ur discretion.....or in other words what you choose what to tell the world....so in that case i will display anything i choose...fuck off if u have a problem with it.....most recent business is dat after analyzing a recent situation...i see i have the tendency to be a jerk and a kind hearted person and ive realized that i need to tone down on being both a need to stop bein such a stubborn jerk becuz in the past it has cost me to lose out non certain relationships and friendships and opportunities..and i need to stop havin such a huge heart becuz its a gift and a curse i say gift becuz for ppl who who actually get to kno me as a person see the caring and considerate side of me {no homo} i say curse becuz when im being caring to the wrong person or someone that i shuldnt b it always blows back up in my face or when im suppose to b closin one chapter in my life to open another i dont becuz im steal dealin with stuff frm the past ...im not sayin i regret my past becuz i feel it has shaped me into who iam today but ur future will never b prosperous if u still havent let go of things in the past...im not fully sayin that i regret what what i did this past saturday but i feel i mite have put across the wrung message.....what i had back then was back then which is much different frm wat i have now.....i honestly admit true i prolly do still have sum feelings to that past but i mean wen u were close to that person those feelings nvr really go away they just kinda settle down when u become apart of somethin new....i love who im with now and nothin will change that but i feel myself as a man must draw a line of respect for my relationship and that line wasnt visible saturday...i did wat i did of of choice and i did it becuz i wanted to let that person kno i didnt forget about an important day in their life and that even though we r not wat we used to b we can still b cool cuz i dont believe in holdin grudges even though i dont usually keep in touch with my ex girlfriends but im beginning to think dats a bit childish.....but to sum this all up this is just another sign that i still have more growing to do i mean shit im young and im not always gonna make the best decisions....but in the case of mistakes i prefer to build a bridge and eventually get ovr it and i admit wen i fuck up and fall short or simply when i just dont understand something.........right now im just letting god run da kidds life and imma follow the vessel that beats in my chest cuz so far whenever i think and follow my brain it at times leads me wrong....till my nxt blog im out!!!!

Progress and Success

well its bout time for another blog.....not just cuz i got recent shit to talk about but becuz supposedly i bring someone pleasure becuz they like reading them.....so for the past couple days i been just chillen stayin ontop of this skool shit ..finally got a job workin at CVS..which was hella needed cuz senior year is expensive not to mention prom is around the corner...and i plans to do it big since its my last one......but anways ive been blessed to finally get another phone and i actually like it better than my phone cuz its smaller and its touch screen and i have also acquired a new dell laptop which was very much needed cuz ive always wanted one i mean i have my own desktop cpu but it eels good to have my own laptop and be able to lock it so no one else can use it......i dont mind sharing but somethings i just dont wanna share and this is one of them....this weekend has been the greatest weekned ever cuz it was just me and my pops chillen at the crib like old times it was so peaceful and quiet.....and drama free and i think we all needed a vakay frm each other so im glad my bro and moms got away to see they fam......i also went out to the movies with my girl on saturday night to go see dat new madea film and it was actually good i wuld advise those who read this post to go see it.......but it was a nice chill evening with just me and her which was great.....only thing that was bad was the fact that i was an hour late but i saved myself from being put in the dog house by alrdy calling her and tellin her i was gonna b runnin a bit late ......but she got ovr it anyway lol i think she loves me too much to trip ovr somethin small and im usually on time...this week is gonna b a three day week for me bcuz thurday i get excused frm skool to help host a african american black males conference at nccu and then friday the city is excusing me to go to a youth legislation conference in raliegh which will last throughout the weekend....so i get a free hotel room at the sheraton to just get away frm durham for a couple days which is needed....as i get closer to graduation i began to reflect ovr my years in highschool and i cant believe its almost ovr...and thats its time to start a new chapter.......ive noticed im not leavin with those i came in with....im still doin my daily writing and i feel dat im getting better but there always "Room For Improvement" lol but its a work in progress.....i think its safe to say that i have found half of myself which is an accomplishment in my eyes..ive come such a long way frm what i used to be and i wont lie but ive kinda developed a i dont give a fuck what others think imma do me....i can now seperate my friends frm the snakes......i remeber when i use to wonder what ppl at skool thought about me but at this point it doesnt matter becuz iam who iam and no one can change that......i regret my past but im also thankful for it cuz each past experience good o bad has helped shape me into who and what u see today.....well it almost 1am..so imma hit the wifey up and then call it a nite....da kidd out till my nxt blog


currently listening to : Marsha Ambrosius :Yours Truely

New Ambitions

damn its been a good week or so since my last blog.....to b honest i aint really had anything to write about..well i have but the shit wulda been pointless..and prolly wulda kept an ongoing situation...but anyways i been consimplatin on whether i shuld start takin my writing a bit more serious....like with music ...and ive come to the conclusion that imma actually do it...so latelty ive been writing daily inside a compositon book....practicing how to flip my words.....metaphors...and also putting stories within inside my rhymes.....one case of advice imma take frm my nigga ktr is that i need o develop my own sound....like u will b a more unique efficient artist if u sound different frm others....nowadays anybody can rap about trappin..fuckin hoes....how much money they got.....or what gun they gone shoot a nigga wit.....as im writing of course im listening to other artist as examples as actual lrycist...so of course at this point im currently muting all my gucci out lol....i mean i respect the nigga as a artist and i like his shit but hes just not somebody i need to listen to....to help me develop a talent in writng........i like to stick out so its gonna take me even more time develop my skill.....its like ive always wrote on an off but never really took it seriously .....and it feels like a now or never thing at this point.....and i mean a very wise person who is important to me stated that i shuld have a plan "B" if this music thing doesnt work out....TRUE....but i feel dat dis shit has to workout...like whether imma an artist or a manager/producer...iam determined to have a career that has some type of involvement with music....ive had a love for football and politics....but ive had a passion and love for music thats much stronger...but i just have to find my purpose in it....so with my writing and expreminting i plan to find that purpose....my future and life depends on it lol.....but anyways big ups to my nigga ktr going to perform in DC this weekend opening up for jadakiss....b sure to stop past his blog ktr1027.blogspot.com for more info on him..swear to god that nigga the next to bat to b the greatest....and im not dick ridin neither its just real shit my nigga nice...i also wuld like to thank certain hoes that been makin me famous lately yo...damn even when i dont open my mouth about anything in their direction my name still cums out there mouth but o well thats neither here or there.....im avoidin all drama at this point ..life is too fuckin good and they say for every 60 seconds you spend mad or upset...is a minute you cant get back....which culda been a moment of happiness...ive learned that sumtimes ppl will nvr change but dat aint my problem....im willing to move on with life without holdin grudges but i guess others cant b mature and do the same....but it is wat it is.......


currently bumpin....Charles Hamilton- The Hamiltonization

Little Bit

so this weekend was valetines day weekend....i started my weeknd off friday doing shopping for saturdays dinner and then later went to a duke and clemson basketball game....saturday came and i still had a lil more shopping to do becuz i wanted this vday to be memorable and i wanted to do things that ive never really done before....so basically had dinner round bout 7:30...i cooked chicken alfredo corn and string beans with fettuccine noodles....i had a rose, ballon and other stuff waiitng for my valentine at the door....i not only cooked for me and my guest but i cooked for my parents and my brother and his date...my parents werent really involved and left and my brothers date never showed up , so he left so it basically was just me and {her}..shit as cool ate dinner watch our favorite movie love and basketball ..baked a few cookies and shit....and it was all good. after a while after i had showered her with everything i had made and provided for her...i got a well needed back rub ....it caught me off gurad at first cuz i had to realize somebody was actually doin somethin for the kidd and pretty much the remainder of the evening was all for me...shit just seemed so different about this vday idk if its becuz i was creative in the things i did....or is it becuz it was with the person it was with ..but it was just great and i didnt wanna wake up the nxt morning lol.....i guess the theme for this weekend was Drake's newest mixtape called "So Far Gone" shit crack actually if u need a copy of you can download it at livemixtapes. com or go on the blogspot titled {octobersveryown.blogspot.com} shit fire a fuck..and more than likely im gonna end up playing it in the ground like i did comeback season lol......ive come to realize that i have a huge heart which isnt a bad thing its just my flaw for having a huge heart is dat i need to kno when to use that huge heart and wen not to..everybody is not worthy of that part of me which has been the trouble of most o my sitiuations and last nite the people who deserved that part of me was my fam {for the hour they were here lol} and {acg <3} but the rest of the nite was history lol and i look foward to many times and other valentine days like that again.....


*till my nxt blog dueces da kidd out

Scattered Thoughts and Standstills

its like 4 in the morning and im here on my desktop writing yet another blog........my eyes opened this morning approximately at about 4:05 and im thinking to myself like why am i up so damn early???? so i turn back over to try and get more sleep cuz i didnt wanna get up till bout 5am becuz thats wat tyme i had planned to go do my run....but i had no success...so while im just laying in my bed wide awake.....mad thoughts run thru my head.....like have you ever had so many thoughts that it seemed like they were too damn scattered to the point you cant take time to figure one thought out......i hate at times that im a analytical thinker......becuz it makes me really confuse at times becuz i cant figure out somethin without thinking bout somethin else.......so as more time passes i began to think more and more bout stuff like school....where will i be nxt fall.....music and what part will i play in it....and certain people i do not plan to continue calling friends in 2009 because they are practically dead weight.....alot of times i feel im at a standstill with my music because not much of myself produces anything but mere lines of poetry and lil shit i write every now and then.....and ideas here and there..its like i want more for myself with this so called thing that im passionate about.......i want more for my nigga..cuz on sum real shit he got the potential to be one of the greatest.......i sometimes think of the shit i have to do on my own....like i see other kids and shit and the things their parents do for them and things they show them that are really simple but important....and i wonder why the fuck my ppls dont help me with some of those things.....simple shit like learning how to invest money.....its crazy becuz if you think about it...i really take of care of my damn self......i buy my own clothes .....i pay anything and everything for my phone......i buy my own damn food at times.....my senior year so far has been funded by me so far......i got my on hustle that keeps money in my pocket.....and if i wanna get my license i gotta get my own insurance which will be expensive as fuck.....its crazy cuz my ppls expect so much out of me.....but do little to help...i mean yea my pop keep a roof over my head but thats only cuz im still in highschool......other than that he dont do much for me....and im not even gonna get started on mom dukes....but i just wonder when my time will come to sit comfortable and be able to handle all my shit without problems...and be able to have things i may want or desire....i feel everybody has to go thru some type of struggle at some point in their life....and i guess im just goin thru mine early and that my future will be alot better and succesful becuz my struggle has made me strong and i also feel that ppl who dont kno wat it feels like to go without take alot of shit for granted...but i know exactly what it feels like so i appreciate anything i get and have....i got more to say but its time to go get my early mornin workout started........

New Agenda

so today i started off my official first day of dieting an exercise......ive had a few mornings of getting up to go run just to maintain my weight and health...but as of today i started it with a diet also.....i got up at about 4am...threw on sum sweats...and sum shoes and walked across my complex to the fitness room....now our fitness room is no bigger han my damn bedroom lol...but it has a decent tredmill and walking bike and shoulder press machine....so i started off with a 45 minute run on the treadmill and then a 15 minute cool down walk......when i got bak to da crib...i began to do crunches....i did about 100 total...afterwards i got myself together for skool and my lil mornin diet will consist of a serving of peanuts with a bottle of water every morning....a workout may not seeem important to others but its fucking rediculous of all the ppl in my fam who are diabetics at such a young age or either they got high blood pressure...for the most part i wuld say i have a decent form but it wuldnt hurt to get a lil bigger and tighten up...cuz its getting hotter..which means a time to wear less clothes..and i got a couple places i wanna put sum tats..and u cant pop out a shirt without a decent build..well i mean u can if u got an i dont give a fuck mentallity like rick ross lol but it does disgust me seeing him on the covers of magazines like that....like i mean shit i guess it really is true that they say u kinda lose ya mind wen u get a nice amount of money....to me appearance is everything....so with that note im gonna do my best to keep up with my apperance...P.S. shout out to my steelers for winning tht game last nite for the most part the cardinals gave them a good game but Big Ben kept his cool and pulled it out congrats..lol plus it was good to see my father the so called "Cowboys' fan face now that pittsburgh has more superbowl titles than the cowboys

Iam The Indian Summer In Her Coldest Winter

as crzy as shit has been lately i realized i cant even complain...ive had some good things and some bad things..but in reality my good has out weighed my bad.....my fam is full circle .....my bestfriend is reaching higher and higher with his music...and im starting to get school together..and last but def not least ive built a very firm friendship and growing relationship with someone i can now truely call an actual {better half}....i mean ive had many relationship where i thought i could call a chick the "one" and then ive def had some that were a wste of time or just shulda never been a relationship....i feel one of my many flaws in a relationship is being so impulsive and being so rdy to jump into it and another flaw wuld b "backtracking" meaning when ive had a relationship with a chick and after they done so many things to show that i dont need to b with or they just do a nigga wrong i let my feelings get the best of me and i go back with them thinkin shit will b different....ive done that three times with three different girls....and at this point ive grown tired of it ....so the way i do shit now is once im done with a girl especially if she was da reason we broke up...i dont look back frm this day foward i loook toward my future...you cant have a good future if ur always dwelling on ur past especially if its negative things or ppl....i have confidence that this will work becuz before actually dating this "somebody" we took the time to learn how to be friends which is something else ive never really done which is learn how to be a friend first before u try and become a lover......we have communication.......we got fifty million things in common lol.......understanding.....respect for one another......we accept both flaws and good traits and last but not least weve established "TRUST"......i think one huge memory i have btween us is one night we were on one of our late nite convos and it was about 12:12 am and she said somethin like "im nothin like ur past but im all about ur future" now to others that may not seem like somethin major but words like that kind of provokes thought like damn dis chick might really b somethin like a sense of security or confidence........and i mean if this relationship doesnt work out atleats weve instilled a firm friendship to fall back on and i will just continue on with life.....but for now at this point we {Bonnie &Clyde} lookin towards what the future has in store.2009 is my year and so far its a great year !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dedicated to {MotherNature}

2nd semester

well so far 2nd semester is iight.....i mean my classes arent the most liked but i mean its mostly my fault for fuckin around in my earlier years of highschool....my symphonic 4 band class is full of fuckin new tech students and its a little boring....my latin 2 class is iight but my teachers drone way of teaching is torture and full of lectures.....my advance functions class is cool because my teacher is such a push over lol..but its just too many students which makes it hard to find a seat especially if ur late....and my small bizz class wuld b cool if our teacher mr artis wasnt leaving so now im just gonna drop that class and prolly pick up english 4 again....{bitchass schutte flunked me} ovr three fuckin points!!!!!!!!!!!....but anyways as i get closer to grduation i realize that alot of ppl i came into highschool with are no longer present whether due to dropping out or if they passed away...which is most cases in highschools these days.....its crazy cuz its like you go on a rollercoaster of many different friends thru highschool...like ppl you been tight with since middle skool either change or choose a different path dats not a smart path so ovr time u kinda part ways away frm them....but its all apart of life and i believe when one friendship ends ..another one will eventually fall together....or like the saying goes "sometimes things fall apart so some things can fall in place" which brings me to my nxt subject of the very interesting week of had...its amazing how ppl never realize what they have until its gone....like when they see you movin on ..they either talk shit.....get jealous...or try to cause complete madness in ur life cuz they hate that they are no longer in the picture....wats the point of being so FUCKING territorial or protective of something that you lost due to you not appreciating it and lying....why couldnt you hold wat u had close at the time then..but now that youve been erased or put to the back seat ..you seee someone getting in that passenger seat with the kidd so now u wanna work and force urself back to the front ..nah sorry it doesnt work like that ....a person has had not once but twice the chnces to win the kidd heart and blew both chances....only silly hoes sit around and gossip about what goes on in a nigga life without having a clue of wat is really going on.....after reviewing my thoughts of the entire situation ..i laugh cuz its amazing how "some" females can be so conniving to point where its sick...........

What Do You Define As Swag?

its amazing ovr time how everybody now claims how they got swag or who has swag and who doesnt have swag...its definately crazy when a person claims they have swag when really they dont even know what swag is....when you think of the word swag what comes to mind ..wellll hmmmm lets think as if you have the mind of a so called "trapstar" or "baller" lol they wuld say" shit i got swag cuz i got hoes on deck or "i got stacks on deck" soulja boy" {MATTTTTTTTTTT} lol or let my pants hang low....to me if a person thinks this way ....then you are the most ignorant peron known to man....personally i feel soulja boys song turn my swag on was a waste of studio time...beat was kinda hard but the purpose and meaning of the song was idiotic......my personal true definition of swag would the way a person carries them self not measured of how much money or hoes they got or how much pussy they get but really just like what things make you stand out..if you me a person who is more an individual has more swag than anybody because they set standards or even at times they are the trend setters..ppl waste more time tryna be like other ppl when really they never even tried being themselves..therefore cauing them to not know who they are as a person which i wuld like to call "identity crisis" lol.....swag is just a slang word created by todays rappers....the real word would be demeanor which sounds more articulate......and actually makes more sense to say instead of "swag".......

Intro

well first i wuld like to introduce myself....my name is carmen jones.....i plan to leak no further information but that....but ive known about this blog shit for a lil minute i been tempted to make one but never really found time to make one....until my nigga ktr made his soon i realized this shit culd actually b cool.....like to voice out my opinion about shit by anyway i may choose...my blogs will probably send out shots at times depending the situation or how i may b feelin at the time....but anyways this is my blog feel free to comment on any shit that i may place up here....as you can see i have a high love and passion for my music....one of the many things that interest me....i first fell in love with music when i was 6 years old ...and my first hiphop song i ever heard was by the "Fugees Ready or Not"..fire shit .....mainly because the track had great word play and a hard ass beat...but anyways time for this small blog to end.....more soon