Monday, February 9, 2009

Scattered Thoughts and Standstills


its like 4 in the morning and im here on my desktop writing yet another blog........my eyes opened this morning approximately at about 4:05 and im thinking to myself like why am i up so damn early???? so i turn back over to try and get more sleep cuz i didnt wanna get up till bout 5am becuz thats wat tyme i had planned to go do my run....but i had no success...so while im just laying in my bed wide awake.....mad thoughts run thru my head.....like have you ever had so many thoughts that it seemed like they were too damn scattered to the point you cant take time to figure one thought out......i hate at times that im a analytical thinker......becuz it makes me really confuse at times becuz i cant figure out somethin without thinking bout somethin else.......so as more time passes i began to think more and more bout stuff like school....where will i be nxt fall.....music and what part will i play in it....and certain people i do not plan to continue calling friends in 2009 because they are practically dead weight.....alot of times i feel im at a standstill with my music because not much of myself produces anything but mere lines of poetry and lil shit i write every now and then.....and ideas here and there..its like i want more for myself with this so called thing that im passionate about.......i want more for my nigga..cuz on sum real shit he got the potential to be one of the greatest.......i sometimes think of the shit i have to do on my own....like i see other kids and shit and the things their parents do for them and things they show them that are really simple but important....and i wonder why the fuck my ppls dont help me with some of those things.....simple shit like learning how to invest money.....its crazy becuz if you think about it...i really take of care of my damn self......i buy my own clothes .....i pay anything and everything for my phone......i buy my own damn food at times.....my senior year so far has been funded by me so far......i got my on hustle that keeps money in my pocket.....and if i wanna get my license i gotta get my own insurance which will be expensive as fuck.....its crazy cuz my ppls expect so much out of me.....but do little to help...i mean yea my pop keep a roof over my head but thats only cuz im still in highschool......other than that he dont do much for me....and im not even gonna get started on mom dukes....but i just wonder when my time will come to sit comfortable and be able to handle all my shit without problems...and be able to have things i may want or desire....i feel everybody has to go thru some type of struggle at some point in their life....and i guess im just goin thru mine early and that my future will be alot better and succesful becuz my struggle has made me strong and i also feel that ppl who dont kno wat it feels like to go without take alot of shit for granted...but i know exactly what it feels like so i appreciate anything i get and have....i got more to say but its time to go get my early mornin workout started........

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