Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Reset Button

wow its been a minute since ive blogged....been somethings in life happening thats been out of my control and some that i could but all i can say is that im blessed to still be alive and money in my pocket....since the end of the summer i been just workin and getting rdy for skool in januaray not all that happy with my job but hell its a job so its all good might be at UPS in november but hey till then im paper chasin cuz i got goals and plans...but anyways on another note i got anotha edition in my life...or in other words a girlfriend....had to realize that in order to move away frm ur past u gotta let old things go and not let them go just cuz u tryna be mean or evil but just for whats right for you.....alot of the women i let go of in my life im glad there gone espcially two of them cuz one was always running game on a nigga and the other was just popping in and out my life so much that it was just best if she just stayed the distance was ridiculous......but one person who will always remain close to my heart is mothernature.....yea ive moved on with someone else but my love for her will never die but i just kno rite now that she just currently not fitting my puzzle with all thats going on.....i can honestly say she has kept it the realist with me no matter what....shes never lied..cheated nor played my face,,,so i got alot of respect for her......and i kno she will find someone whos just perfect for her....but not to create some sad depressing happy with my life i aint felt this way in a while,,,...and im lookin foward to how i will look by nxt year..its like this transiton into manhood has been rough but i lov how its goin cuz its bringing along some real good ppl and things...ive also became alot more im at a point where im not the emotional ass nigga who always felt like he needed someone or a girl i got my own self...fuck anybody else lol.....another thing thats makin me feel good is my nigga ktr still on his shit good to hear my nigga went to the beach and repped hard for us.....and his project should be droppin sometime nxt month....but i can honestly say i wake up with a smile everymorning....and a great feeling at night this is truely a step towards the carmen i been striving to be...the carmen who stands on his own two feet and makes any of my own dreams and goals into usual my taste in women are the girl is a freshman at A&T...goal oriented....belief in god.......has my best interest....and takes HELLA good care of me....i mean i aint always been honest abe or mr perfect but i think shes beginning to bring out the best in the kid...she actaully makes me wanna do rite.....i use to regret my past like wit females and and some of the ones i dealt wit but i actually appreciate those expreiences cuz they have shaped me into the man iam advice for those i left in the past i hope ya life and all is well..and keep ya head up and i wish yall much success..cuz imma get mine no matter what...thats why i titled this blog reset button cuz i feel i had to hit a reset button to get back to the carmen i help upgrade myself as a i consider myself a better carmen...thats more focused and driven to do whatever i want and desire to do......i got my whole life ahead of me and im the way whip cominm real sooonnnnnnnnnn lol till my nxt blog which mayb after work im out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Grown up

bling bling burrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!! lol its been hella long since ive blogged and much has changed in the kidd life but for the best.....and my summer has been crzy but its all feelin ontop of the world right now becuz i feel my life is going in the direction it needs to.......ive cut my circle of friends to a minimum and im cool with everyone in that circle cuz i can trust them..and of course that nigga K still my main nigga no homo even though we been doin different shit but no matter what thats a nigga ace...ive made sum tuff choices lately but they were for the betterment of me.....why the fuck shuld ppl have there cake and eat it to...for years i let females control a nigga emotions ..thoughts ....and decisions and i just grew and angry and tired of it .....i mean i guess lately ive been lashing out and hurting feelngs but its only a counter to how bitches have done me....sum may take it as cold heartness but really its just me makin myself numba 1......i treat others how they treat me and i only put in a relationsjip or friendship as much as the other person can say im feeelin myself or growin up but either way im just doin wats best for me...cuz in the end dats all i have is tired of ppl sayin one thing to me and doing anger towards females i will admit has got outta control...but its just ive held it in for so long....and ive always been the nice guy...and nowadays i have a short fuse for bullshit and i cut niggas off quick .....wen u step to me step to me correct and real and not on mother always told me not to trust her and damnit i shulda listened.....a cut throat additude is wats gonna help me in this pool of snakes especially when you only got ppl hitting you up when they need shit......then when you help them they are never felt a way last nite that i havent felt in a long time...and mostly cuz it was with the closest ppl in my life at this point.....i just found out i culd walk into nccu sumtime in january so cum skool time my nose will b buried in the books and i got like 3 weeks till i get my shit bought to get real nice for dakidd....i apologize if ive hurt feelins lately but at this point its all about me....and what i wanna do.....ive done to much settling and now imma lift my some of you ppl might wanna do the same.....

Monday, June 15, 2009

One Man Against The World

now that graduation is all ovr i can get back to my blogging...its been a crazy lil grad week and weekend...but now that its ovr im just chillen out and getting my hands glued to alot of this money out also gone be back in the studio this week wit my nigga the rest of this summer shuld go pretty smooth...i got mad love from my fam and friends at my graduation and my cookout....and im guessin that this is now my oppurtunity to actually "SayWhats Real" and i mean that in regrads to what my life is like at this point....which is pretty good i mean it culd b worse but im bein blessed by the man upstairs with the things i do have....i mean i didnt ask for my life to be how it is these where just the cards i been dealt..i also didnt ask god to make me how iam but i can honestly say that i love who iam...god made me to b unique....and to go along with it i have a unique name that i hate to go with it but i accept it...we all humans in this world which means were all gonna make mistakes and fall short..but what matters most is what you do to learn from those mistakes....sometimes we are given situations to help test us to seee if we will break....and if you see it thru then u will b strong as goin thru somethin as im writing this blog...and at first i was just laying around feeling down about shit and having a rollercoaster emotions and moods but then i had to just let go and let god and live my life..cuz life doesnt pause for no random night when i culdnt sleep i sat down and wrote an equation out for my life and everything that has been happening now makes complete sense and i realized that i done told a certain someone that this was the end but in actually its not..but in time that situation will re unfold itself..until then im takin the oppurtunity ive been givin to help better the kidd as an all around person so that way when i get everything on track i can honestly thank them for helping me become the better man i need to that ive realized their true reason and purpose for being in my life no matter who they r with or what they choose their will always be a special place for them in my feels good to wake up in the morning with a braceless smile and the ambition to see what imma achieve within a day..ive learned to live everyday to the fullest cuz it may be your last....well imma bing this blog to a close becuz one of my favorite moviiess is coming on which is love and basketball and i like the fact that i can sit and recite every line to it lol .....after the movie then its off to the studio...but until then you ppl can follow me on twitter>>>>>>

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Fresh Start

ayeeee wats good its been like maybe 2 weeks since my last blog....i took a break cuz i realized everytime i got an issue i blog aout it...and somethings that i been goin thru lately just didnt need to be blogged about....but in reality i just needed to face the music of my situation and finally close doors that shoulda been closed......i feel alot better now that ive realized how shit shuld situation seemed like a bad infection that was starting to spread over me but i had this one part that i needed to cut off to save what dignity and good nature i have left and i feel hella better that ts gone its sad mad ppl had to show me signs and tell me over and over what i shulda done..but its like you have to get a spoon full of reality or expreince somethin tough to see what you need to do to bring change to your of now i like where i stand and i just plan to sit back and get this money (the right way) and work on rebuilding a friendship that means the world to me....i know that shit sounded soft as hell.....but she mean alot to me whether i wanna admit it or not.....its like god puts ppl in ya life for a reason and they can either be there to test you or help make you stronger....i appreciate the person who has made me stronger and i appreciate the person who has tested me cuz theyve made me stronger to......all i can wish for the person who has tested me is that i hope and wish u find yaself in life and that one day you truely settle down and make somebody happpy and stop bein so afraid to fall..just give sum lucky nigga a chance....for rite now da kidd is single and not really lookin for any relationship just yet cuz in a sense i still have an unfinished one so imma stay true to myself and do what i need to do....on anotha note my moms flys in today and damnit im super excited lol.....i aint seen my mom since last july....and im rdy to b a mommas boy for a week lol...i love my moms....and last but not least i graduate in two days....this is somethin i been waiting for all my life for 12 years and its here..its time to take that step into life and manhood and i dont fear rdy for prepared ...this summer is gonna be om point and i plan to enjoy in a smart and safe way..cuz life is to short but imma live it to the nigga ktr got sum fresh tracks rollin out and i say the same for myself.....but the grind is def goin be on the lookout for sum new stuff this summer....but i got grad rehearsal and then the pool to go hit up so till my nxt blog which will prolly be on graduation im out CLASS OF 09 WE OUT THIS BISHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! LOL

Monday, June 1, 2009

I actually had a goodnites rest..and today is gonna be a day of positivity....I got much to accomplish and a lot feel good about....

~>Sooner Than Later<~

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Well Damn {Gucci LOL}

these past couple days have been crazy....but its good that throughout it all im keepin a smile...alot has changed and there's been some enlightment on somethings and rite now im feeling good becuz im learning the true power of a friendship...sometimes in order to get what you want you got to either go back to where you started or just be friends till your ready to b somethin.....on anotha note had my first graduation practice and damn it was a wreck about muthafuckas ovr excited lol.....uncordinated and hype.....i will just be glad when its all said and done and ovr hoping for a good and my pops will just be at the crib this weekend......well really just me becuz my dad will be at work most of the time so yea im lookin foward to just kickin it this weekend enjoy time to myself and peace and quiet goal is to remain stress free....and positive......ive noticed dat when im stressed and negative that im not myself and i dont think imma keep a cool head at all times and live life.....newest piece of news is that the damn swine flu is officially in durham and two niggas have alrdy caught it wtf is the world coming to???? advice is dont shake anybodys hand and that we all start walkin around with towels or cloths over our mouth like the asians did when SARS broke out lol jk...but foreal lets all be safe and healthy.....i didnt wanna make this blog to imma keep it short and{11 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Real Shit!!!!!

after a wild day and last nite rollercoaster ride of emotions.....i came home and took a long look in the mirror....and had to realize who the fuck iam...and what was i doing allowing myself to walk around here looking like a slug on log...lookin as if i was depressed lol wtf was i thinking like im CARMEN LAMAR JONES!!!!!!!!!!!!! and imma live my life how i want times like is gonna hit u with curve balls to knock you down but you get rite back up and thats just wat imma do...has my expreince made me a bit selfish? yea in a sense it has...basically i feel ive got just a sample of what the cold world can cook up...and true i got sick off that shit....but imma throw it up and get rid of it and work on keeping it moving.....rite now imma finish getting ready for graduation and be proud that ive made it...this weekend looks like imma take a road trip with da fellas down to greensboro saturday since imma be the only one home this saturday and i prolly wont have anybody come by so imma just take sometime outta durham to kick it with my niggas...even though my situation has changed me a bit...i cant lie i still love her and if i culd do it again i would but i guess i gotta live with the choice she's made......i dont force anybody to do anything they dont want to.....and all i can do is be me.....its good ive found some motivation to write more cuz this shit is def gone bring sum poems and songs and what not so its all good......its amazing how everything can happen so fast..and thats why whenever i have alot goin on..i take time to sit down and think about everything thru so that way wen it comes to make a decision or choice i have less regrets like to avoid thinking the whole should i have did that or not when i make a choice im usually sure of myself and i can live with that choice...cuz ive seen what making choices while im mad or upset has cost i take my time but other than that imma just tak life one day at a time and stay on this paper chase....until my next blog im out...CONGRATULATIONS CLASS OF 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!