One Man Against The World

now that graduation is all ovr i can get back to my blogging...its been a crazy lil grad week and weekend...but now that its ovr im just chillen out and getting my hands glued to alot of this money out here...im also gone be back in the studio this week wit my nigga K...so the rest of this summer shuld go pretty smooth...i got mad love from my fam and friends at my graduation and my cookout....and im guessin that this is now my oppurtunity to actually "SayWhats Real" and i mean that in regrads to what my life is like at this point....which is pretty good i mean it culd b worse but im bein blessed by the man upstairs with the things i do have....i mean i didnt ask for my life to be how it is these where just the cards i been dealt..i also didnt ask god to make me how iam but i can honestly say that i love who iam...god made me to b unique....and to go along with it i have a unique name that i hate to go with it but i accept it...we all humans in this world which means were all gonna make mistakes and fall short..but what matters most is what you do to learn from those mistakes....sometimes we are given situations to help test us to seee if we will break....and if you see it thru then u will b strong as ever...im goin thru somethin as im writing this blog...and at first i was just laying around feeling down about shit and having a rollercoaster emotions and moods but then i had to just let go and let god and live my life..cuz life doesnt pause for no one....one random night when i culdnt sleep i sat down and wrote an equation out for my life and everything that has been happening now makes complete sense and i realized that i done told a certain someone that this was the end but in actually its not..but in time that situation will re unfold itself..until then im takin the oppurtunity ive been givin to help better the kidd as an all around person so that way when i get everything on track i can honestly thank them for helping me become the better man i need to be....now that ive realized their true reason and purpose for being in my life no matter who they r with or what they choose their will always be a special place for them in my heart...it feels good to wake up in the morning with a braceless smile and the ambition to see what imma achieve within a day..ive learned to live everyday to the fullest cuz it may be your last....well imma bing this blog to a close becuz one of my favorite moviiess is coming on which is love and basketball and i like the fact that i can sit and recite every line to it lol .....after the movie then its off to the studio...but until then you ppl can follow me on twitter>>>>>> http://twitter.com/DaKiddOneDa

Fresh Start

ayeeee wats good its been like maybe 2 weeks since my last blog....i took a break cuz i realized everytime i got an issue i blog aout it...and somethings that i been goin thru lately just didnt need to be blogged about....but in reality i just needed to face the music of my situation and finally close doors that shoulda been closed......i feel alot better now that ive realized how shit shuld be......my situation seemed like a bad infection that was starting to spread over me but i had this one part that i needed to cut off to save what dignity and good nature i have left and i feel hella better that ts gone its sad mad ppl had to show me signs and tell me over and over what i shulda done..but its like you have to get a spoon full of reality or expreince somethin tough to see what you need to do to bring change to your situation...as of now i like where i stand and i just plan to sit back and get this money (the right way) and work on rebuilding a friendship that means the world to me....i know that shit sounded soft as hell.....but she mean alot to me whether i wanna admit it or not.....its like god puts ppl in ya life for a reason and they can either be there to test you or help make you stronger....i appreciate the person who has made me stronger and i appreciate the person who has tested me cuz theyve made me stronger to......all i can wish for the person who has tested me is that i hope and wish u find yaself in life and that one day you truely settle down and make somebody happpy and stop bein so afraid to fall..just give sum lucky nigga a chance....for rite now da kidd is single and not really lookin for any relationship just yet cuz in a sense i still have an unfinished one so imma stay true to myself and do what i need to do....on anotha note my moms flys in today and damnit im super excited lol.....i aint seen my mom since last july....and im rdy to b a mommas boy for a week lol...i love my moms....and last but not least i graduate in two days....this is somethin i been waiting for all my life for 12 years and its here..its time to take that step into life and manhood and i dont fear it....im rdy for it..im prepared ...this summer is gonna be om point and i plan to enjoy in a smart and safe way..cuz life is to short but imma live it to the fullest.....my nigga ktr got sum fresh tracks rollin out and i say the same for myself.....but the grind is def goin hard...lol be on the lookout for sum new stuff this summer....but i got grad rehearsal and then the pool to go hit up so till my nxt blog which will prolly be on graduation im out CLASS OF 09 WE OUT THIS BISHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! LOL

I actually had a goodnites rest..and today is gonna be a day of positivity....I got much to accomplish and a lot feel good about....

~>Sooner Than Later<~

Well Damn {Gucci LOL}

these past couple days have been crazy....but its good that throughout it all im keepin a smile...alot has changed and there's been some enlightment on somethings and rite now im feeling good becuz im learning the true power of a friendship...sometimes in order to get what you want you got to either go back to where you started or just be friends till your ready to b somethin.....on anotha note had my first graduation practice and damn it was a wreck lol....talk about muthafuckas ovr excited lol.....uncordinated and hype.....i will just be glad when its all said and done and ovr with...im hoping for a good weekend..me and my pops will just be at the crib this weekend......well really just me becuz my dad will be at work most of the time so yea im lookin foward to just kickin it this weekend enjoy time to myself and peace and quiet finally......my goal is to remain stress free....and positive......ive noticed dat when im stressed and negative that im not myself and i dont think properly.....so imma keep a cool head at all times and live life.....newest piece of news is that the damn swine flu is officially in durham and two niggas have alrdy caught it wtf is the world coming to????.....my advice is dont shake anybodys hand and that we all start walkin around with towels or cloths over our mouth like the asians did when SARS broke out lol jk...but foreal lets all be safe and healthy.....i didnt wanna make this blog to long.......so imma keep it short and simple....ps..{11 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}

Real Shit!!!!!

after a wild day and last nite rollercoaster ride of emotions.....i came home and took a long look in the mirror....and had to realize who the fuck iam...and what was i doing allowing myself to walk around here looking like a slug on log...lookin as if i was depressed lol wtf was i thinking like im CARMEN LAMAR JONES!!!!!!!!!!!!! and imma live my life how i want to......at times like is gonna hit u with curve balls to knock you down but you get rite back up and thats just wat imma do...has my expreince made me a bit selfish? yea in a sense it has...basically i feel ive got just a sample of what the cold world can cook up...and true i got sick off that shit....but imma throw it up and get rid of it and work on keeping it moving.....rite now imma finish getting ready for graduation and be proud that ive made it...this weekend looks like imma take a road trip with da fellas down to greensboro saturday since imma be the only one home this saturday and i prolly wont have anybody come by so imma just take sometime outta durham to kick it with my niggas...even though my situation has changed me a bit...i cant lie i still love her and if i culd do it again i would but i guess i gotta live with the choice she's made......i dont force anybody to do anything they dont want to.....and all i can do is be me.....its good ive found some motivation to write more cuz this shit is def gone bring sum poems and songs and what not so its all good......its amazing how everything can happen so fast..and thats why whenever i have alot goin on..i take time to sit down and think about everything thru so that way wen it comes to make a decision or choice i have less regrets like to avoid thinking the whole should i have did that or not when i make a choice im usually sure of myself and i can live with that choice...cuz ive seen what making choices while im mad or upset has cost me..so i take my time but other than that imma just tak life one day at a time and stay on this paper chase....until my next blog im out...CONGRATULATIONS CLASS OF 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

?????

To Close Can't Stop Praying Now
Though There Seems Theres No one To This Pain
Everytime I Close My Eyes I Pray For Rain
I Pray For Rain To Wash Away The Pain......

the lyrics to that song are extremely true....and i can relate to every word.......as we all know pain and hard times is apart of life ive accepted that.....it just seems really hard at times.....i went to bed last nite feeling a little better having a positive outlook that everything will be just fine and i feel it will but in a sense whem i woke up i felt like shit....like i got up looked over at my phone at missed txt messages or calls and in a sense i was kinda lookin foward to a "goodmorning" txt and i didnt see it...now not sayin that i have to get that txt before i call or txt...but these past couple days its been really different......i havent been called nor txt..yesterday i made a call and expressed myself and left it alone.....to give time for thought.....but i didnt expect to not get calls or txt anymore at the sametime and as bad as i wanna call and express whats on my mind or how i currently i feel i question it cuz mayb i given them to much.....i dont want it to seem like im being a nag....so i kinda just let them be a tad bit but at the sametime it really hurts more not hearing from them.....i never had a situation where o i was just calling u back cuz u called me.....it was always i was callin cuz i wanted to talk to you.....lastnite really seemed good cuz i was feeling fine but i dont understand why i feel like shit this morning....like im really at an all time low...and i will be honest that iam wondering how long will it be before i recieve a call....like im not exactly the type to wait by the phone but each time my phone rings im not gonna lie....i do hope that its from that somebody.......at times it almost seems like the fate of all of this has been decided and that maybe im just in denial about it.....but i hope thats not the case....and if it is..than im just rdy to recieve my closure......cuz life just doesnt seem any easier until my question mark is removed..and ive said all i can say..and nearly done all i can do......

Memories & The Coolest Grandma Ever

i just had a great convo with my grandma..and i swear my grandma is the best....the only grandma that i know that religiously keeps up with sports....hate to say it but my 80 year old grandma has a swag like no other.....just goin back and forth about old memories and swaoing stories back and forth about times so old such as when i was in pampers.....times like when i would take my diaper off and rub my mess across the wall lol (personal thought lol what was i thinking?)......my grandma remebers times like when i was three how she would get up and cum to my bed side every mornin and ask me what i wanted for breakfast and i wuld mumble or point it out....and she wuld fix it and i wuld b knocked rite back out so i wuld end up eating i for lunch....just reviewing back then how i was such a badass...and how ive grown so much into this well mannered ..handsome smart yung man shocks me cuz i nvr thought in a million years that i wuld turn out decent...but i do still have more growing to do...not only have i grown but its just great to see all my other cousins who r all close n age who have been like the brothers ive nvr had..just growin up with them and remebering how we used to run and rip the streets of philly....doin watever we found fun to do......its just really great thinking about it all...ive also discovered that my love and passion for music has branched off frm my grandma also.....my grandma says that shes loved music ever sice she was small and that she probably listens to it just as much as i do...and i listen to it damn there 24/7 lol...she even still teases me about how i use to demand the family to call me lamar instead of carmen cuz i hated my name cuz i used to get tease at skool for it...but ive grown to embrace and like my name becuz itz one of a kind and unique plus i know mad girls how like it lol so its all good...... but when it all cums down to it i love my family and i dont think i wuld b me without them......other than that tonite imma just zone out to sum classic music...sum grownup type stuff and take care of somethings i need to take care of somethings i need to take care of.......my storm is slowly but surely passing over...GO CAVS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!